I dreamed about my dad the other night. He was there, just for a moment, just long enough for me to recognize him before he disappeared to wherever angels go. In my dream he was an angel, and all I saw was his face…but not his face. It was a cherub face, from old-fashioned drawings, all cheeks–it reminded me of how he looked while he was on prednisone those last couple years of his life. His hair was white and wavy. My dad always had a great head of hair, even though he kept it military short. He was wearing his glasses and his funny grin.
In my dream, I had been running, from or to something–I don’t know. I had the impression of having jumped off a train. I was sliding down a wet, grassy hill that must have recently had snow because there were patches of ice scattered around. I was scared, not of anything around me or coming after me, but of breaking my ankle again. Still, I kept running because I knew I had to.
At the bottom of the hill, I looked up, and a badge appeared in the sky. I knew it was mine, that it had been awarded to me. It was green and yellow. Round. Flashing. It had a large check-mark in the middle of it, and it said “100% Protected.” Then the cherub face with my dad’s features popped out of the air above the badge and to the left. He gestured to the badge with his head and his eyes to make sure I got the message: I was 100 percent protected. Then he was gone. I called after him, but only the badge remained, hanging in the sky like a fading firework. I woke up, wanting so badly to bring my dad back so I could talk to him, if only in a dream.
Instead, I lay in bed, my broken leg elevated on pillows, and began to dissect my dream. That’s what I do with dreams. I can’t help it. My mind tries to figure out where they came from. You might think dissection would take the magic away, but it doesn’t. It only makes me wonder more at what’s left when I’m done, at the deeper meaning I cannot explain away.
* The badge I saw reminded me of the WordPress badges and awards. No surprise there since I have spent 0h-s0-many hours on WordPress in the last six weeks.
* The projection of the badge in the sky came from another book. It was how the results of the competition were relayed to contestants in Hunger Games.
* I think the green and yellow colors came from the Green Bay Packers and Dancing with the Stars. Football player Donald Driver and his partner were wearing green and yellow cowboy costumes on Monday night, Packers’ colors, which I took note of after my son pointed it out.
* And I think the cherub face came from a book of old-fashioned Christmas cards that I have, though I haven’t really thought of Christmas recently.
But the message–I don’t know where that came from. I hope it came from my dad. I woke up missing him, but I felt oddly comforted. Secure, like a little girl who knows beyond doubt that her daddy is going to keep her safe. How is it that in the middle of my life, with two children of my own to keep safe, thinking of my dad can still make me feel like that?
It’s a good feeling. I think I will keep it with me and wear it like a shield when I’m able to start walking again, to remind myself that I am “100% Protected.” I know it, because my dad says so.
How about you? Have you had any dreams that have left an impression upon you?