A change in the weather is nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s still amazing. Amazing, too, what a little cool sunshine and fresh air can do for a person’s mood. This week, finally, I can open the doors a let the cross-breeze blow through, which means it also blew my dust bunnies around, which means I could not put off sweeping any longer. But, hey, my doors are open and it’s not an oven outside, and that makes me happy! We are heading into Arizona’s best time of year.
Reesie and I could even go for a walk this morning without dripping sweat by the time we got home. Earlier this week I was listening to NPR podcasts as I walked–because, I think, hearing voices (no, not the ones in my head ) made me miss my absent hubby less. But this morning, I decided on music. I was already happy because the air felt cooler, and I was happy because said hubby will be home today. I was thinking how glad I was to have read Arlene’s post at Science and Story yesterday about turning 50, and how I need to take a more positive view on my own upcoming milestone.
Speaking from the middle (and I optimistically think of 50 as the middle), it has been a rough few weeks. In addition to dealing with constant traveling, we have worried about children (two-legged and four-legged) and worried about parents. And the children were easier. Ha! I never thought I’d say that. But, the truth is I feel more competent as a mom lately than I do as a daughter or daughter-in-law. I can handle kid-worry and feel reasonably competent in coming up with a solution to whatever the problem might be. But aging parents leave me helpless. My mom is 70, my mother-in-law is 77, and my father-in- law is 83 next week. We are dealing with medical issues, distance issues, safety issues, sibling issues, and just plain ol’ drama (ugh). All of it has weighed heavy, and sometimes the mortality of it all paralyzes me.
But for a little while this morning, the worry eased. The air was cool and not summer-oppressive. I saw ducks! And even better, Reesie didn’t chase after them. I thought about what I have accomplished this week, instead of what I haven’t. I thanked what powers there be that my father-in-law is in the early stages of Parkinson’s (treatable) rather than Alzheimer’s (as was suspected) and that my sister-in-law had the time and the money to fly home twice in one month to take care of all the doctor appointments. I thought about how fun it was to watch Dr. Who with my son last night, who, for once, wasn’t buried under a mound of homework. I had a skip in my step and my pony was swinging.
Every song that played this morning had something to say to me. Sometimes, I skip through the slow songs because I feel like I need to stay upbeat to keep ahead of the…I don’t know what–the melancholy, maybe. But this morning, I was happily noticing the “ordinary miracles” taking place all around me, like cooler weather, migrating mallards, and a bouncy pup. Go ahead..listen, then appreciate.